Subject:

Getting over your fear

Date:

Sun, 05 Apr 1998 00:39:02 -0800

Newsgroups:

alt.support.dental-phobia

My fear begun when I was very young. We had to go to see a dentist once a year starting in kindergarten. I thought of those days as special, because we could get out, run around and have fun. I think this was sort of a reward system from our teachers. In order to make us comfortable, they would allow us to play (no learning involved in anyway, shape, or form) all day.
In school, of course it was a day away from work. I looked forward to it. That is, until my first encounter with a dentist, who did not really know what he was doing. I had my first cavity when I was 7 years old. It was one of my baby teeth, so it did not really matter (it was also about to fall out). My eager dentist decided to fill it anyway. I did not mind. What I did not know was that he used me for practice (he was young). He managed to drill through the baby tooth, and into the new tooth. this resulted in a few weeks of pain and swelling, that no other dentist wanted to treat until the baby tooth fell out.

This experience did scare me. I still went for my regular check ups, but I lost my enthusiasm.
My second bad experience came when I was about 12 ( the time I gave up on dentists for a few years). I had two cavities needed to be filled.
My dentist told me that he would start drilling without any local anesthetics, because that would get me out of his office faster. He promised to stop and give me something if I felt anything. Both of those teeth were upper, and therefore very sensitive. I started telling him that it hurt, but he would not stop. When I left his office I swore I would never go back. This promise I kept for 5 years.

My last visit to the aforementioned dentist was pleasant. I needed 4 teeth to be fixed. I was scared to death of him. He gave me a local and fixed my teeth. Actually, he only found 3 of the 4 bad teeth (the 4th one was only visible if you looked at the tooth, so I could not expect him to see it) and I did not have the guts to tell him about it.

It was my luck as it turned out. One tooth broke in half a week after he fixed it, another lasted about two weeks before starting to fall apart (literally). I concluded that not going to the dentist is better for me and my teeth than going. As my teeth got worse, I got more scared of the idea of having them fixed. I did not trust anybody any more. My phobia got so bad, that I could not do anything but think about my teeth all the time. I even dreamt about them. If anybody was mentioning a dentist, I had to change the subject. I could not even watch the toothpaste commercials without getting anxious.
I was so fixated on my teeth, that I would not smile, have my picture taken, or eat anything that required lots of chewing (like gum). I was probably one of the few women, who did not notice the stores' windows on the streets. I only saw dentists. I can tell you where the dentist are
in our neighborhood, and any other places I might have visited. I could not tell you however, where certain stores are. If you ask for
directions, I will probably use the dentists' offices as guide points, not well known stores.. I was even worried about kissing my husband (and
we have only been married over 1 year). What if he found out?

Since my teeth started really deteriorating (one of the two I have mentioned earlier was almost totally gone), I was nervous all the time.
This spoiled any happy moments I could have had these past few years. Every time I felt some changes happening in my mouth, I was chewing
everybody's heads off around me (for no apparent reason). My other "fixed" tooth started moving about a year ago. I was so worried about
it falling out, that I was afraid to go to sleep. I did not have a good night's sleep this past year. I kept waking up and checking to make
sure that the tooth was still there. I was living in hell, and did not know how to get out.

I thought I could do it on my own. I wanted to go to a dentist in secret, because I was ashamed, and did not want anybody to know. I started looking up dentists in the Yellow Pages. I believed I was making progress. I even wrote down a few numbers. But I always had an excuse for not calling. I did not have time, I did not have the money, I could not get away without my family noticing, etc...

Finally I realized that all my teeth will fall out if I try to do it on my own. I was trying to find the courage to tell my husband. I could not go to my mother (as I do with my other problems), because in her eyes there was no such thing as dental phobia. I spent a lot of hours in the bathroom. I just could not tell him. One day, after losing a few pound in the bathroom once again, I decided to play a hand of solitaire. If I could do it, I would tell my husband, if not, I would not. I took the decision out of my own hand. I did it. As I put the last card in its place my husband walked in. This had to be faith. I cried a lot, but managed it.

The same night he found a dentist for me, who was aware of dental phobia. My first visit was in his office, without actually having to go to the examining room. They let me do my own X-rays (so nobody else looked, or poked in my mouth), and then we just talked. The first treatment was under general anesthetics, so I could not tell you about it. The two teeth had to be removed (whatever was left of them), and I had a lot of fillings to deal with.

My second visit I brought a CD player with me. I found, that if I can listen to my favorite music really loud (not hearing the drill), and have my husband's hand to hold (which is something I greatly appreciate, since he has been in there with me through it all) helped to calm me down.
Even though I still have to go to the bathroom every time I have to visit a dentist (which will be one or two more visits, and then just regular check ups), I can go in there now and joke with him, and most important, come out smiling.

After my first visit I was on cloud nine for a week. Now I am happy all the time (ok, occasionally I am still grumpy, but only occasionally). I
smile all the time, and I can sleep at night. It was worth it. Please do not misunderstand me, I am still not over my phobia, and I do
not think that you (whoever you are) will get over it easily. It is hard work. It is a continuing fight within yourself. The only thing
that you have to remember is that you have to win it no matter what (trust me, it is cheaper if you win earlier).

If you have anybody who loves you, let them know. They will understand, and they will get you through the hard times.